Domestic Arrangements
by Luff Bunny
Summary: Oneshot, not slash. A look on what domestic bliss might be like for Harry and Severus. AU.


The characters don't belong to me. It's AU, and a little musing on what Severus and Harry would be like living together. One shot and it's not slash.

**Domestic Arrangements**

He'd been more than patient, hell this was the fifth night in a row when he'd come in from work, having left the place looking spotless, to find that it had once more been turned into a bombsite. He'd tried explaining nicely why he was so hacked off that his normally neat home was suddenly a bombsite, he'd tried leading by example, he'd tried offering incentives, he'd even tried begging. He'd ranted, raved, thrown hissy fits, been silent and moody. It wasn't even as if this had only been going on this week, it'd had been happening for months.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER GET YOUR PIGLIKE SELF HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!" He'd had it with the brat, no more "sure Sev, I'll make sure I don't leave my dirty dishes scattered round the house" no more "I'll make sure the washing is taken out of the machine and put in the tumble dryer" no more "I'll get the chicken out of the freezer so it's defrosted by the time you get home from work" and then coming home to find the brat had done nothing at all other than create more mess!

If his blood hadn't been boiling at the sight of muddy boot prints on his carpeted hallway leading into the living room, or the smell of burnt something that infused the air, or the noise that emitted from his state of the art player, an incessant thump thump thump, he'd have smiled at the messy looking young man before him. He'd have brushed the wild hair away from his eyes, and would have melted at the look of pleasure at his return. Instead he glared and pointed with a trembling arm at the floor.

"Well you see, Ron came round and we started cooking something to eat, and then there was a squirrel in the garden so we rushed out and came back in to find some nuts for it, and then when I couldn't find any I remembered the nuts that you keep on the table, and I thought you wouldn't mind so I stole a few and went and fed the squirrel. It was really good, cept then it bit Ron, so we took him back to Mrs Weasley, and then I came home. But I did remember about the washing, cos there was a big pile in the bathroom, and most of it wasn't mine."

Glancing up at the pale man who seemed to be staring at his neck, and wringing his hands together, he decided that as he wasn't going to get any praise for the washing, he'd try and impress him some more.

"So, after doing the washing I put everything in the tumble dryer" he glanced questioningly at Sev, slightly concerned by the strangled noise he'd made, but carried on "and then I ironed that really crinkled shirt, though I don't think it was yours and it wasn't mine, so I don't know where it came from, but it was in a bag so maybe one of your lady friends left it?" he glanced up cheekily, suddenly concerned as Sev was slumped against the wall, holding his head in his hands.

"You made sure to separate the colours from the whites?"

"Yeah, what kind of idiot do you take me for?"

"And the silks from the cotton wash?"

"Um there was no silk in there, cos it all felt like the same Sev, I must have left the silks alone" he offered a smile, one he knew made Sev smile back, it was infectious. No smile.

"You tumble dried everything, you didn't put any of it on radiators, or outside?"

"Well there was no wool so it could all go in the tumble drier."

"When you moved in what did you say? You promised me that you wouldn't make my life any more difficult. So why is it, that you have destroyed all of my silk sheets so far, ruined a crinkled shirt for my sister which I had spent hours searching the shops for. I come home at night and I prepare a meal, normally working around the lack of ingredients which you seem uncannily seem to know what I'll need so you devour it during the day and don't send word to me, or think to replace it. You refuse to leave any room untouched, the bathroom has become a beauty parlour with drips of gel everywhere, you seem unable to brush your teeth without getting toothpaste everywhere. You insist on drawing rude words in the steam so that whenever I shave I get greeted with obscenities… You leave rubbish everywhere, you are unable to wash up without leaving bubbles on the floor and half the crockery untouched wherever you deposited it.

"You ruin my whites, you ruined my shirts, you are incompetent with an iron and you scared the cleaner off. I wash up the breakfast items and things that were used the night before, and I come home and discover them still on the draining board, my music gets piled up on the sides as you search for one song, and then play that rubbish you call music loudly until I get complaints from the students next door.

"I agreed to let you move in while you got yourself sorted, instead you decided you like living here, and I can see why, you play me like a mug. Four months have you been using me like a slave. I don't want rent, I want you to either buck your ideas up, or I want you out. I am going out for a meal with one of my civilised friends. The house better be tidy by the time I get back, or else. I don't want to hear a peek from you until I get back, and don't look at me like this. It's gone on too long, and I can't trust myself not to do anything you'll regret later.

"I'm going out!" With that he stood and stormed out leaving the front door shaking in his wake.

The End.


End file.
